When Helping Hurts

Helping others is a beautiful thing—but when saying yes starts draining your energy, it’s time to pause. Research shows that consistently prioritizing others' needs over your own can lead to compassion fatigue, a state of emotional exhaustion caused by prolonged exposure to caring for others (Figley, 2002). While originally studied in healthcare fields, compassion fatigue can affect anyone frequently engaged in emotional labor—including parents, partners, and community-minded individuals.

Boundaries to Avoid Burnout

Psychologists emphasize the importance of personal boundaries as a form of emotional self-protection. As Dr. Brené Brown notes, clear boundaries are essential to maintaining empathy without burnout; they’re what allow us to care from a place of integrity rather than obligation (Brown, 2010). Without boundaries, the act of helping shifts from being generous to depleting. Before committing to another favor, event, or project, ask yourself: Do I have the emotional and physical capacity for this? Saying no isn’t selfish—it’s what protects your well-being and allows you to show up as your best self for the people who matter most.

If your calendar feels overwhelming, consider whether a task on your to-do list could wait, or whether your family’s schedule could be simplified. Protecting your energy isn’t about opting out of life—it’s about making space for what truly matters.

References

Figley, C. R. (2002). Compassion Fatigue: Psychotherapists’ Chronic Lack of Self Care. Journal of Clinical Psychology.

Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing.